May the schwartz be with you

Greedo Didn’t Shoot First! A Petition to George Lucas

Who shot first? Three simple words, and yet they mean so much more. The issue of whether Greedo or Han shot first is one of the most contentious in the Star Wars universe, and has come to represent for some the fractured and frictional relationship between Star Wars purists (i.e. those who wholly invest in the original versions of the original trilogy as the be-all-and-end-all of the franchise) against the new-bloods. In some ways it is also indicative of the love/hate relationship fans have with George Lucas, and an analogy for the two perceived versions of the director (old and new). And one thing is for sure- none of the die hard fans who debate the issue endlessly are going to be quietened on the matter any time soon. And now Paperclip Films have released a video petition via YouTube addressed to Mr Lucas, in a bid to have him…

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Total Film’s Epic Vintage Star Wars Images

Flicking through this month’s Total Film magazine (and being wowed by their preview of X-Men: First Class in the process), I came across their website links page and a link to something tantalisingly called Vintage Star Wars Images. My interest naturelly piqued, I logged on as soon as I got home and what I found was some of the greatest manipulated images to feature a Star Wars flavour ever to hit the web. Seriously, they are a bloody gorgeous things. Now, I’m not going to steal their thunder by posting all 14 here, but I thought I’d share three of my favourites (as well as the preview image to the left there), and then direct you all over to the Total Film website to enjoy the others. That is some bloody clever Photshopping right there. Follow me on Twitter: @SiTheMovieGuy

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Star Wars/Rebecca Black Parody “Primeday”

You have to admire when inter-net creatives like those behind the TeddieFilms YouTube channel apply their obviously considerable talents to parodying one of the worst songs ever to come out of a human mouth, especially when the result has the kind of impressive production values visible in the video below. And add to that the fact that they have turned their attentions to melding Rebecca Black’s horrendous, ear-bleed-inducing “pop song” with the Star Wars universe, and you have yourself a recipe for much mirth. I’d even suggest that the dude playing Leia has more charisma than Black does in her original version… Seriously, while the original song needs to be exterminated immediately, this spoof is actually pretty damn hilarious- and the lyrics arguably make more sense than Rebecca Black’s obviously chimp-on-a-typewriter version as well (they’re helpfully listed on the video’s Youtube page if you want to sing along). Seeing Boba…

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Entire Star Wars “Return of the Jedi” in MS Paint [GIF]

A long, long time ago in a galaxy quite close to here- it was this column actually- we brought you the first two original Star Wars instalments redone in GIF form on MS Paint by a genius with a lot of time and the kind of dedication that inspired the building of the Death Star. Check out A new hope here and Empire strikes back here Part of those links was a promise that the third and final instalment would follow soon, and here (albeit almost a year later) is the fruit of that promise: The creator- FoldsFive (otherwise known as part-time pixel-masher David Court) offered the following response on Digg when the A New Hope GIF found its way back into the collective Geek consciousness that calls itself the Internet: Sometimes I find myself amazed by the internet. How something I made an age ago can suddenly pick up…

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I’m Chewbacca, And The Rebel Alliance Was My Idea

..or at least, I’m pretty sure that’s what the big hairy fella is saying in the hilarious Windows 7 video parody below anyway. The Chewbacca version is definitely the best, thanks to the glorious inclusion of the clearly clueless Storm Trooper signing a “translation” to what everyone’s favourite Wookie is actually saying. Perfect, perfect touch. The other two parodies are no less than brilliant either, as you’ll see below: Here’s the Storm Trooper… And here is the Cosmic Kraven himself, Darth Vader… Thanks to YouTube user SneakyZebra for posting these videos- and kudos for the quality.

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God Says Minecraft, RIFT & SWTOR Are Turning Your Children Gay

Well not God exactly, more Bryan Blake, ChristWire Network Host and “Radio Guru”, who has some, let’s say interesting, views on the effect that certain video games, including SWTOR are having on the impressionable young minds of gamers all over the world. Blake seems to have particular problems with the over-use of phallic idols (i.e. great big willies masquerading as things like light sabres and Creepers), which he claims have been hidden in video games by some mass homosexual conspiracy with an agenda to “poison” gamers. I’m sorry Mr Blake, but let’s break this down for a minute: I personally think that it is the person who insists that everything shaped a bit phallus-like penile who has the pre-occupation with penises. So, I’m going to revert to the age-old, scientifcally sound theory that It Takes One To Know One. Here’s a sample quote of what the faith-wielding, jargon-spouting Idiot Savant…

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Script Changes That Could Have Saved The Star Wars Prequels

Those purveyors of finest Geek humour at Dorkly have published a hilarious list of seven script changes that could have made the Star Wars prequels trilogy. And I have to say I agree with pretty much all of them, especially the Darth Maul line below: I’ve always thought a spin-off or prequel dedicated to Maul’s story would be the best approach to extending the franchise again. But then, sometimes, it becomes clear that logic and intellectual progression aren’t always the driving forces behind the Star Wars universe. Anyway, here are the images in question… Head over to Dorkly for the other four suggested changes. Remember to follow me on Twitter @SiTheMovieGuy for further ramblings on everything geek related (or head over to to read my movie based writings).

Read More Shows Why ‘Star Wars’ Is Secretly Terrifying for Women

Had to share this one from the geniuses at who have consistently been making me spit coffee out of my nose since I started avidly reading the site some time back. Look out for further adventures in movie philosophising from the After Hours team, as they tackle life’s most important questions: including Which Ninja Turtle Are You? A question I have lost a good few nights worth of sleep to, I have to admit. Turns out I’m April O’Neill. Sometimes the mystery is better than the truth… Anyway, who’d have thought George Lucas was a big ole sexist?

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Awesome Street Art “I Am Your Father”

I love Street Art (even if Banksy’s gone a bit too bonkers for my liking recently), and find the culture of making art readily accessible to everyone by their position in full view on street walls, and other ingenious urban canvases. Trawling through the net yesterday, I discovered this little beauty, which probably owes a lot to Banksy’s style (given the humorous tone and stencil work), but which in itself is pure brilliance… Don’t know about you lot, but I think it’d make a great poster addition to my already way too dorky movie room at home. From Norwegian street artist Dolk (and via Dorkly).

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I Find Your Lack of Zoom Lollies Disturbing

What did Darth Vader do during down-time with the Empire? How did he pay the hefty overheads for the Death Star? Thanks to the lovely, talented folks at Think Geek, we now have some idea… Multiple awards should be given out for the acting. Seriously, that little dude in the green tee is like the next Dustin Hoffman. But, why did these fellas choose the (admittedly delicious looking) Light Sabre pops when they could have had one of these babies…

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